200+ Funny Judge Judy Quotes

Have you ever watched Judge Judy and laughed at her clever words? Judge Judy is known for her sharp wit and funny remarks. In this article, we’ll explore some of her most hilarious quotes that will make you smile. From courtroom banter to straightforward truths, Judge Judy’s words are both entertaining and full of wisdom. Get ready to chuckle and enjoy these memorable moments from one of TV’s favorite judges!

Quick Wit and Sarcasm

• “Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.”
• “Sir, I’m smiling. That should scare you.”
• “I eat morons like you for breakfast.”
• “Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
• “Do I look like I was born yesterday? Don’t answer that.”
• “Um is not an answer!”
• “I’m the boss, Applesauce.”
• “Put on your listening glasses.”
• “You have to stand up for what you want, but you have to sit down to negotiate.”
• “Do you think I write letters to myself?”
• “Are you trying to ask me to play dumb?”
• “God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.”
• “You have to have the intellectual ability to understand when you’re out of your league.”
• “Baloney is for sandwiches.”
• “If it doesn’t make sense, it’s usually not true.”
• “That’s like teaching a pig to sing – it wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
• “Do I have ‘stupid’ written across my forehead?”
• “If you live to be a hundred, you will never be as smart as me. On your brightest day, you’re not as smart as I am on my dumbest day.”
• “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”
• “I’m here because I’m smart, not because I’m young and gorgeous, although I am.”
• “You’re playing fast and loose with the truth.”
• “Beauty fades, dumb is forever.”
• “My grandmother once told me never to get into an argument with a fool, because people from a distance can’t tell who’s who.”
• “I don’t want to talk to you anymore unless I have a marshmallow stick.”
• “I’m here because I’m smart, not because I’m young and gorgeous, although I am.”

Common Sense in Court

• “I’m here to solve cases, not mysteries.”
• “If it doesn’t make sense, it’s usually not true.”
• “The only thing worse than a liar is a bad liar.”
• “Do you think I write letters to myself?”
• “You’re not listening to me with your third ear.”
• “I’m not the Wicked Witch of the West; I’m the Evil Queen.”
• “Beauty fades, dumb is forever.”
• “This isn’t ‘Let’s Make a Deal’; this is ‘Judge Judy.'”
• “Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
• “If you live to be a hundred, you will never be as smart as me. On your brightest day, you’re not as smart as I am on my dumbest day.”
• “Is the perjury gene running through your family?”
• “I’m the boss, Applesauce.”
• “I eat morons like you for breakfast.”
• “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”
• “God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.”
• “You have to stand up for what you want, but you have to sit down to negotiate.”
• “Um is not an answer!”
• “Are you trying to ask me to play dumb?”
• “If you want to discuss something intelligent, we can discuss what’s on the back of a Twinkie wrapper.”
• “Did you really think that you were going to be able to lie to me and get away with it?”
• “Are you trying to tell me that a fool will get it wrong all the time?”
• “You have to have the intellectual ability to understand when you’re out of your league.”
• “You can’t have it both ways. Do you understand that?”

Parenting and Relationships

• “I’m here to solve your problems, not make you feel good.”
• “If you come into court looking like something the cat dragged in, don’t expect me to take you seriously.”
• “Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.”
• “I’m the boss, Applesauce.”
• “I eat morons like you for breakfast.”
• “You have to stand up for what you want, but you have to sit down to negotiate.”
• “Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
• “If you live to be a hundred, you will never be as smart as me. On your brightest day, you’re not as smart as I am on my dumbest day.”
• “Do I look like I was born yesterday? Don’t answer that.”
• “Sir, I’m smiling. That should scare you.”
• “I’m not worried. I’m prepared.”
• “You’re not listening to me. I’m right.”
• “I’m here because I’m smart, not because I’m young and gorgeous, although I am.”
• “I’m the boss, Applesauce.”
• “Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
• “Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.”
• “I eat morons like you for breakfast.”
• “You have to stand up for what you want, but you have to sit down to negotiate.”
• “Do I look like I was born yesterday? Don’t answer that.”

Dealing with Ridiculousness

• “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”
• “I’m here because I’m smart, not because I’m young and gorgeous, although I am.”
• “That’s like teaching a pig to sing – it wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
• “Do I have ‘stupid’ written across my forehead?”
• “If it doesn’t make sense, it’s usually not true.”
• “That’s the biggest bunch of double-talk I’ve heard in a long time.”
• “I’m not worried. I’m prepared.”
• “If you come into court looking like something the cat dragged in, don’t expect me to take you seriously.”
• “You have to have the intellectual ability to understand when you’re out of your league.”
• “Baloney is for sandwiches.”
• “Are you trying to ask me to play dumb?”
• “God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.”
• “You’re not listening to me. I’m right.”
• “You have to have the intellectual ability to understand when you’re out of your league.”
• “I’m the boss, Applesauce.”
• “Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
• “Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.”
• “I eat morons like you for breakfast.”
• “You have to stand up for what you want, but you have to sit down to negotiate.”
• “Um is not an answer!”
• “My grandmother once told me never to get into an argument with a fool, because people from a distance can’t tell who’s who.”
• “I don’t want to talk to you anymore unless I have a marshmallow stick.”
• “If you live to be a hundred, you will never be as smart as me. On your brightest day, you’re not as smart as I am on my dumbest day.”
• “Do you think I write letters to myself?”
• “I’m not worried. I’m prepared.”
• “You’re playing fast and loose with the truth.”
• “If you come into court looking like something the cat dragged in, don’t expect me to take you seriously.”
• “I’m here because I’m smart, not because I’m young and gorgeous, although I am.”
• “The only thing I’m going to do with the truth is bend it.”
• “You’re not listening to me. I’m right.”
• “Do I have ‘stupid’ written across my forehead?”
• “That’s the biggest bunch of double-talk I’ve heard in a long time.”
• “Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
• “If it doesn’t make sense, it’s usually not true.”
• “You have to have the intellectual ability to understand when you’re out of your league.”
• “Baloney is for sandwiches.”
• “Are you trying to ask me to play dumb?”
• “God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.”
• “I’m the boss, Applesauce.”
• “Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.”
• “I eat morons like you for breakfast.”
• “You have to stand up for what you want, but you have to sit down to negotiate.”
• “That’s like teaching a pig to sing – it wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
• “Do I have ‘stupid’ written across my forehead?”
• “If it doesn’t make sense, it’s usually not true.”
• “I’m not worried. I’m prepared.”
• “You’re not listening to me. I’m right.”
• “I’m here because I’m smart, not because I’m young and gorgeous, although I am.”
• “The only thing I’m going to do with the truth is bend it.”

Life Lessons with Laughter

• “Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.”
• “I’m here because I’m smart, not because I’m young and gorgeous, although I am.”
• “If you come into court looking like something the cat dragged in, don’t expect me to take you seriously.”
• “Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
• “Do I have ‘stupid’ written across my forehead?”
• “You have to stand up for what you want, but you have to sit down to negotiate.”
• “If it doesn’t make sense, it’s usually not true.”
• “That’s like teaching a pig to sing – it wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
• “I’m not worried. I’m prepared.”
• “You’re not listening to me. I’m right.”
• “You have to have the intellectual ability to understand when you’re out of your league.”
• “Baloney is for sandwiches.”
• “Are you trying to ask me to play dumb?”
• “God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.”
• “Um is not an answer!”
• “My grandmother once told me never to get into an argument with a fool, because people from a distance can’t tell who’s who.”
• “I don’t want to talk to you anymore unless I have a marshmallow stick.”
• “If you live to be a hundred, you will never be as smart as me. On your brightest day, you’re not as smart as I am on my dumbest day.”
• “Do you think I write letters to myself?”
• “The only thing I’m going to do with the truth is bend it.”
• “Life is short; don’t waste it on nonsense.”
• “You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in court.”
• “Common sense is not so common.”
• “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.”
• “You can’t argue with someone who doesn’t understand the concept of reason.”
• “In court, it’s not about who’s right, it’s about who’s left.”
• “There’s a difference between ignorance and stupidity. Ignorance can be cured; stupidity is forever.”
• “The truth doesn’t change just because you don’t like it.”
• “Listen to me carefully: I’m right, and you’re wrong.”
• “Sometimes you have to be your own hero.”
• “Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.”
• “Life’s too short to dwell on what other people think about you.”
• “Laughter is the best medicine, especially when dealing with idiots.”
• “Never argue with someone who believes their own lies.”
• “You can’t control how others behave, but you can control how you react.”
• “Don’t waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.”
• “A wise person knows that there is something to be learned from everyone.”
• “Surround yourself with people who make you laugh.”
• “Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”
• “The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think.”
• “Life is too short to be anything but happy.”
• “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
• “It’s okay to not know everything. Nobody does.”
• “Take risks: if you win, you’ll be happy; if you lose, you’ll be wise.”
• “Don’t wait for the perfect moment; take the moment and make it perfect.”
• “Happiness is a choice, not a result.”
• “Success is not the key to happiness; happiness is the key to success.”
• “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
• “You’re never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
• “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

I hope you enjoyed these funny Judge Judy quotes! They show how Judge Judy uses her wit to handle cases. Her words are clever and often make us laugh. It’s interesting how she can be tough and funny at the same time. These quotes remind us that even serious situations can have moments of humor. Judge Judy’s quick comebacks and straightforward style make her memorable.